SIGNIFICANT OTHER (SO)

Significant other (or SO) is a generic term used to refer to any person who has great importance to an individual's life such as a family member or close friend.[1] It can also be used as a gender-blind term for a person's partner in an intimate relationship[1] without disclosing or presuming anything about their marital status or sexual orientation as it is vague enough to avoid offence by using a term that an individual might consider inappropriate (e.g. lover when he or she considers him a boyfriend, or her a girlfriend when he or she considers her a life partner).
In the United States the term is sometimes used in invitations, e.g., to weddings and office parties.

Its usage in both psychology and sociology is very different from its colloquial use. In psychology, a significant other is any person who has great importance to an individual's life or well-being. In sociology, it describes any person or persons with a strong influence on an individual's self-evaluation, which are important to this individual, as well as reception of particular social norms. This usage is synonymous with the term "relevant other" and can also be found in plural form. "significant others". This use of the term has become common in the UK in correspondence from hospitals e.g. "you may be accompanied for your appointment by a significant other"
In social psychology a significant other is the parent, uncle/aunt, grandparent, or teacher — the person that guides and takes care of a child during primary socialization. The significant other protects, rewards and punishes the child as a way of aiding the child's development. This usually takes about six or seven years, and after that the significant other is no longer needed, the child moves on to a general other which is not a real person, but an abstract notion of what society deems good or bad.
[edit] First use
The first known occurrence of the term was in 1953 by U.S. psychiatrist, Harry Stack Sullivan, a former editor of the journal Psychiatry, in his posthumously published work, The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry[2]. While the term currently enjoys use and familiarity, greatest use of the term peaked in the late 80s to mid 90s and has generally declined since then in favor of other terminology as deemed appropriate.
[edit] NMPOSO
The term Non-Married Presumed Obligate Significant Other (NMPOSO) is a term used since around 1990 by some conservative and/or feminist commentators to point out the concerns with relationships in which a jealous and/or parasitic male claims the presumed benefits of marriage without having to take any of the responsibilities. Others find this term useful in that the terms "boyfriend", "girlfriend" etc. seem to imply that the only relationship that members of the opposite sex should have with one another should be romantic, sexual, and subject to significant impingements on autonomy and personal freedom.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Significant_other

BROMANCE (BROTHERHOOD & ROMANCE)

A bromance or man-crush is a close but non-sexual relationship between two (or more) men, a form of homosocial intimacy.[1] Coined in the 1990s, the term has typically referred to a relationship between heterosexuals influenced by the effect of second wave feminism in the United States or related movements elsewhere in the world.[1]

Bromance" is a portmanteau, a combination of the words "bro" and "romance". Editor Dave Carnie coined the term in the skateboard magazine Big Brother in the 1990s to refer specifically to the sort of relationships that develop between skaters who spent a great deal of time together.[2]
[edit] Sociology
The modern nature and circumstances of bromance is what separates it from more general homosocial practices and historic romantic friendships.[3][4] Aristotle's classical description of friendship is often taken to be the prototype of the bromance. He wrote around 300 BCE, "It is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends' sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality".[1] There are numerous examples of famous intense male friendships throughout most of Western history and such relationships were likewise common. It has been posited that in late 19th century, Freudianism and the emergence visible homosexuality directed heterosexual men to avoid expressions of intense affection.[3]
Research into friendship and masculinity has found that recent generations of men, raised by feminist mothers in the 1970s, are more emotionally open and more expressive.[1] There is also less concern among men at the notion of being identified as gay and so men are more comfortable exploring deeper friendships with other men.[5][6] Research done in the United States suggests that the trend of rejecting "traditional views of masculinity" is most prevalent amongst men of European descent and lowest in those of African descent, with those of Hispanic descent falling in between. Furthermore, it was found that men who strongly endorse "traditional views of masculinity" are more prone to alexithymia (a difficulty to understand or identify with emotions).[7]
Another factor believed to influence bromance is that men are marrying later. According to a 2007 study conducted by the Rutgers University National Marriage Project, the average age of a man's first marriage is 27, up from 23 in 1960. It was also found that men with more education are waiting until their 30s before getting married.[6] The financial pressure of staying single longer may lead to men becoming roommates for extended periods, promoting bromance.
It can also be noted that many cultures that have communitarian tendencies or communal social patterns do not exhibit strong signs of the bromance phenomena. Even with groups that may have traditional views of men or masculinity, also have outlets in fraternal relationships that express male to male bonding. Examples include Latino and African American concepts of brotherhood and non-kin being considered family or surrogates. Bromance can develop in cultures or settings that may not exhibit these traits. This could be a factor in those from European descent exhibiting the bromance relationships. Being brought up in households where ties can be more detatched can serve as a factor in the development of bromances. Where in some cultures men are open to kissing each other in non-sexual expression (despite having traditional male stigmas), cultures with high rates of bromance would be less tolerant of male to male kissing without the homosexual stigma.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromance

ROMANTIC FRIENDSHIP

The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that which is common in modern Western societies, for example holding hands, cuddling, and sharing a bed.

Up until the second half of the 19th century, same-sex romantic friendships were considered common and unremarkable in the West, and were distinguished from then-taboo homosexual relationships.[1] But in the second half of the 19th century, expression of this nature became more rare as physical intimacy between non-sexual partners came to be regarded with anxiety.[2]
Several small groups of advocates and researchers have advocated for the renewed use of the term, or the related term Boston marriage, today. Several lesbian, gay, and feminist authors (such as Lillian Faderman, Stephanie Coontz, Jaclyn Geller and Esther Rothblum[3]) have done academic research on the topic; these authors typically favor the social constructionist view that sexual orientation is a modern, culturally constructed concept.[4]
Historian Stephanie Coontz writes of premodern customs in the United States:[5]
Perfectly respectable Victorian women wrote to each other in terms such as these: 'I hope for you so much, and feel so eager for you... that the expectation once more to see your face again, makes me feel hot and feverish.' They recorded the 'furnace blast' of their 'passionate attachments' to each other... They carved their initials into trees, set flowers in front of one another’s portraits, danced together, kissed, held hands, and endured intense jealousies over rivals or small slights... Today if a woman died and her son or husband found such diaries or letters in her effects, he would probably destroy them in rage or humiliation. In the nineteenth century, these sentiments were so respectable that surviving relatives often published them in elegies....
[In the 1920s] people's interpretation of physical contact became extraordinarily 'privatized and sexualized,' so that all types of touching, kissing, and holding were seen as sexual foreplay rather than accepted as ordinary means of communication that carried different meanings in different contexts... It is not that homosexuality was acceptable before; but now a wider range of behavior opened a person up to being branded as a homosexual... The romantic friendships that had existed among many unmarried men in the nineteenth century were no longer compatible with heterosexual identity.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_friendship

I’m bothered by your presence in my mind. It’s been quite sometime since we last met and I already got use to it of us not having communication anymore. It keeps me peaceful and focus on my work which is fine and doing well. Or shall I say I just learned to discipline myself not to think of you too often and being in far distance helps a lot. Now lately, I thought of you again which is annoying, I don’t like it coz it’s getting nowhere. You told me what you want and I cannot do it and you also know the reasons why. We won’t get anywhere because we are moving in two separate ways and holds two separate styles and decisions in dealing with our situation. Both of us have our own mind. Both are leaders and thus no one agreed to follow. I wish I can communicate more my thoughts to you but there was no open communication line as you close it when you hurt me with the words that you said. If you still want me to open up to you, at least be good to me. Treat me well and talk to me very well. No matter how angry you are to me, please choose your words politely. And you don’t need to pretend anything that you’re not getting hurt, I know. I know what you feel; you don’t need to hide it just to save your ego. We don’t even need to talk about what you feel if you are not comfortable, just don’t say harsh words just to get even on me because you are angry. If you still think of me and you still want me to be there, please be gentle to me, start the communication so I will trust you again. If things are not what we expect them to be, we might still be friends after all and the best of friends that we can be. It’s all up to you. I lay my cards. Peace man!

Lady Knight in the Midst of War

All warfare is based on deception

Skilled General
When capable he feigns incapacity
When near he makes it appear he’s far
When far, near

His primary target is the mind of the opponent
Victorious situation is the product of his creative imagination

He cannot be manipulated
He may withdraw. But when he does, moves so swiftly that he cannot be overtaken
His retirements are designed to entice the enemy, to unbalance him, an to create a situation favorable for a decisive counter-stroke

Victory is the object of war not lengthy operations
He strikes only when the situation assumes victory

Before War, make an Estimate the Five Fundamental Factors:
Moral Influence- causes people to be in harmony with their leaders so that they will accompany them in life and unto death
“In happiness at overcoming difficulties, people forget the danger of death”

Weather – the interaction of natural forces; the conduct of operation’s in accordance with the seasons

Terrain – distances, is the ground traversed with ease or difficulty, is it open or constricted and the chances of life and death

Command – Quality of a General:

Wisdom-able to recognize changing circumstances and act expediently
Sincere- his men will have no doubt of rewards and punishments
Humane- loves mankind, sympathizes with others, and appreciates their industry and toil
Courageous-gains victory by seizing opportunity w/o hesitation
Strict-his troops are disciplined because they are in awe of him and are afraid of punishment

Doctrine – organization, control, assignment of appropriate ranks to officers, regulation of supply routes and provision of principal items used by the army

When he concentrates, prepare against him
Where he is strong avoid him
Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance
Keep him under strain and wear him down
When he is united, divide him
Attack where he is unprepared
Sally out when he does not expect you
Calculate. With many calculations one can win, with few one cannot
Examine the situation and the outcome will be clearly apparent

Waging War

Victory is the main object in war. If this is long delayed, weapons are blunted and morale depressed. When troops attacked cities, their strength will be exhausted a treasure spent… Neighboring rulers will take advantage of your distress to act. And even though you have wise counselors, none will be able to lay good plans for the future

War is like unto fire; those who will not put aside weapons are themselves consumed by them

The reason the troops slay the enemy is because they are enraged
They take the booty from the enemy because they desire wealth

When fighting and won, reward those who take the first.
Replace the enemy’s flag and banners with your own
Mix the captured chariots with your own

Treat the captives well and take care of them
Winning the battle and becoming stronger

A general who understands war is the Minister of the people’s fate and arbiter of the nation’s destiny

Offensive Strategy

To capture the enemy’s army is better than to destroy it; to take intact a battalion, a company or a five man squad is better than to destroy them

To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill
Thus, the supreme importance in war is to attack the enemy’s strategy

He who excels in resolving difficulties does so before they arise. He who excels in conquering his enemies before triumphs before threats materialize

Next, disrupt his alliances
Then attack his army
The worst policy is to attack cities the center , the principal


Subdue the enemy’s army without battle
Capture his cities without assaulting them
Overthrow his state without protracted operations

Your aim is to take All-under-Heaven intact. Thus your troops are not worn out and your gains will be complete. This is the art of offensive strategy

The art of using troops:
When 10 is to 1 = surround him
When 25 is to 1 = attack him
When 100 is to 50 = divide him
When 1 is to 1 = engage him

If weaker numerically, be capable of withdrawing

A sovereign who obtains the right person, prospers

3 ways for a ruler to bring misfortune to his army
1. When the army cannot advance
2. when ignorant of military affairs
3. when ignorant of command problems

5 circumstances in which victory may predicted:
He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot;
He who knows how to use small and large forces;
He whose ranks are united in purpose;
He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not
He whose generals are able and not interfered with by the soverign will be victorious

Know the enemy and know thyself; in hundred battles you will never peril

Supreme Requirements of Generalship:

Clear perception
Harmony of host
Profound Strategy coupled with far-reaching plans
Understanding of the seasons;
Ability to examine the human factors.

Elements of War:

Measurement of space
-derived from the ground
Estimation of Quantities
-derived from measurement
Calculations of Figures
-derived from quantities
Comparisons
-derived from figures
Chances of Victory
-derived from comparisons

Energy

To manage a host, one first assign responsibilities to the generals and their assistants, and establish the strengths of ranks and files.

One man is single (1)
Two a pair (2)
Three a trio (3)
Pair + Trio = Five or Squad (5)
Two Squads = Section (10)
Five Sections = Platoon (50)
Two Platoons = Company (100)
Two Companies = Battalion (200)
Two Battalion = Regiment (400)
Two Regiments = Group (800)
Two Groups = Brigade (1,600)
Two Brigades = Army (3,200)

In battle, use the normal force to engage, use the extraordinary to win

Musical notes are only five but their melodies are numerous that one cannot hear them all;
Primary colors are only five but their combinations are so infinite that one cannot visualize them all;
Flavors are only five but their blends are so various that one cannot taste them all

Order and Disorder depends on Organization
Courage or Cowardice on Circumstances (Situation)
Strength or Weakness on Disposition (Attitude)

3 kinds of Situation:

In Respect to Morale: -When his officers loves to fight and their ambitions soaring high and their spirits fierce
In Respect to Terrain- When the enemy will have a hard time reaching you
In Respect to Enemy – When taking advantage of enemy’s laxity, weariness, hunger or thirst

An army may be likened to water, for just as flowing water avoids the heights and hastens to the lowlands, so an army avoids strength and strikes weakness

5 Qualities which are Dangerous in the Character of a General

If reckless, he can be killed;
If coward, he can be captured’
If quick-tempered, you can make a fool of him;
If he has too delicate a sense of honor, you can calumniate him
If he so compassionate, you can harass him

When an enemy speaks in humble terms, but he continues his preparation, he is advancing

When the envoy speaks in apologetic terms, he wishes a respite (break)

When at night, the enemy’s camp is clamorous (noisy), he is fearful

When his troops are disorderly, the general has no prestige

If the officers are short-tempered, they are exhausted

When the troops continually gather together, the general has lost confidence of the army

Too frequent rewards indicate that the general is at the end of his resources

Too frequent punishments of the general indicate that he is in acute distress

If the officers at first treat the men violently and later are fearful of them, the limit of indiscipline has been reached

If troops are loyal but punishment are not enforced, you cannot employ them

When orders are consistently trustworthy and observed, the relationship of a commander with his troops are satisfactory

A GENERAL WHO IS ADVANCING DOES NOT SEEK PERSONAL FAME, AND IN WITHDRAWING IS NOT CONCERNED WITH AVOIDING PUNISHMENT, BUT WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE AND PROMOTE THE BEST INTERESTS OF HIS SOVEREIGN, IS THE PRECIOUS JEWEL OF THE STATE.

Military Code: The General must be the first in the toils and fatigues of the army

Source: Sun Tzu's "The Art of War"