Wellness Tip: How to Love Unconditionally

How to Love Unconditionally

by Zara Jane Juan

Loving is easy, giving conditions to love is hard. It's when we put the barriers to love that makes it difficult. So before ending up the beautiful feeling of loving & choose to be cold for the rest of our life, consider some tips on how to love unconditionally:

Tip # 1. Purify your heart.
The impression we make of people hinders our capacity to acknowledge the person's innocence. In our competitive world, children of working parents taught their kids to be careful & not too trusting. This deep seated thoughts became a habit that at the first instance of seeing people, we tend to assess before we give in.

To purify the heart is to develop the habit of trust, not the habit of attachment. These are two different words w/ two different meanings. Attachment is holding, it is dangerous as it results to control and/or emotional dependency.

Trust, on the other hand, is making the conviction to yourself that the person you are loving is innocent. Thus, in unconditional love, it is not the other person's responsibility to make himself or herself trustworthy, it is you who will develop the conviction that he/she is innocent.


Tip # 2. Give in twice as you were given

If the other person who loves you is giving you only 50%, double it and give 100%. If that person is already loving you 100% love him/her by 200%. Loving unconditionally is a release of your emotion inside to do more than just caring.

Caring is done not for yourself gratification but for the other's welfare. Thus, you must be ready to fore go yourself in order to care for the other. If you make this a habit then your learning how to practice loving unconditionally day by day and every second of the day.


Tip # 3. Loving is an act of charity

Sometimes we see charity as something that should only be given to the poor. And that if we see a person is rich materially, physically, intellectually, etc, we tend to think twice if this person still needs an act of charity.

Charity is a gift. Like Christmas gifts, everyone deserves it, whether rich or poor. To love unconditionally is not quantitative or qualitative; no selection; no segregation.


Tip # 4. Loving is a present

If loving is a gift, then it should be given as a present, literally, meaning now at the moment. To love unconditionally is to do it immediately! Say it, do it, right here, right now "or else, the moment will just pass away"


Tip # 5. Loving is forever

Unconditional love doesn't have a contract or a deal that if it breaks, the loving is gone. The person who loves unconditionally let that loving feeling stays even if the person is gone. The rationale behind is that, the feeling was already given and can't be taken back, not even by situations, not even by any person/s, not even by time.


Loving unconditionally is not martyrdom. It is in fact a smart choice to live. When one practices this type of loving, he/she may not get the same feeling of loving to the person he/she loves (and that doesn't matter anyway, as it is called, it's unconditional).

Now, why a smart choice to live? Because, the more you give the loving, the more you get it back. In the same manner, the more conditions you set in before you love someone, the more it is is harder for you to experience being loved.

Caution: In loving unconditionally, you don't get the good karma from the person you love, but you get it from nature, such that you get it from other people or favorable situations. However, don't expect too much, 'coz once you measure your good karma according to the unconditional love your giving, then again your breaking the rule of doing it, which is, to love without expecting anything in return.

HOW TO HEAL TRAUMA?

Healing Trauma:
We are composed of body, soul & spirit. Our body needs nourishment. Our soul or "psyche" needs enlightenment & our spirit or "breath of God" needs constant connection thru prayer. We need to keep this 3 parts of self healthy for holistic wellness. We can constantly work on being healthy, however it can ruined by simple trauma, more so, by huge traumas. Traumas should not be denied. We need to heal it as a responsible adult, otherwise, it will just file up one after the other & affect our personality, later on producing big stress as conflict arise at home & at work.

There are three (3) ways to heal trauma classified as
1. EXTENSIVE HEALING (3-7 days) - this requires a healthy heart
2. MODERATE HEALING (3-6 months)- longer process best for people w/ weak heart

Before healing the trauma, you must remember that your intention is to live and be healed. Thus, use only the technique that fits your lifestyle & health status. Do not go beyond what you can do. Take your time to choose the technique. Try it first and once your comfortable with it proceed, otherwise, use the other techniques. Be open, flexible & intelligent.

How to do it:

1. On Extensive Healing, use the FLOODING technique, that is the constant exposure of a person to the trauma. Exposure to the trauma with the intention of zooming in to all the senses & the various ways of learning the trauma through writing, viewing & interacting. Sensitivity workshops are ideal to this. For list of sensitivity workshops & healing methods check out the Innovative Mind & Body Book volume 6 "Is there really a closure?" in my facebook account

2. On Moderate Healing, use the FEEDBACK technique & MEDITATION technique.
-Feedback Technique requires that you need to be ready to have a "trusted emotionally balance matured friend with deep knowledge on the your trauma" as your guide. However, do not trust all out to prevent you self from emotional exploitation. Before starting your healing journey, you must check on his/her intention to help you. To check the intention, ask why the person is joining you in your healing journey. Be keen on the answer given and then give yourself the time to process it. If you are comfortable to the given reason & if you can also provide what is expected of you later on without loosing your virtues & principles then take the help. But, if you cannot accept or provide the reason given, that person is not your healing companion. Choose someone else until you find the better one for you. In the meantime that you are in the selection process of your healing companion, do the MEDITATION technique written below. After which, if you are ready with the requirement of FEEDBACK technique, then do it. First expose yourself to the trauma with your healing companion. After every exposure, initiate the discussion. Talk....talk...talk... Your healing companion will check and give you the feedback as you undergo the process. Your healing companion's views may be totally different from yours & at times it may cause conflict of principles or ideas. Be intelligent, maintain the balance thinking. Understand that all ideas have their face values. But only take those ideas and viewpoint that is consistent on your virtues & principles. This is a long process, interaction & journal ling of your exposure requires you to be consistent. You will learn from the feedback after you write it and draw your own conclusion. In the process of doing so, maintain a pure heart. For list of workshops that will support your healing journey check out the album Innovative Mind & Body vol 1 in my facebook account


-MEDITATION Technique
Another moderate way to heal your trauma is through the meditation technique. It is safe & requires no one but your own space, time & proper body nourishment. You must remember that while in the meditation technique you nourish yourself with small, light & very nutritious food. It is recommended that you eat fish & vegetable. If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, so much the better. Meat and heavy meals are discourage because it deters concentration & focus as the body's metabolism takes too much time on digesting the heavy food taken. Meditation requires for you to have a peaceful place away from distraction. You must have your own room with lock that will allow you to be alone for number of hours. Set your clock or mobile phone to do your meditation schedule. Minimum of 2 hours in the morning & 2 hours at nighttime before you sleep (suggested time is 4am-6am & 7pm-9pm). If you cannot do the straight 2 hours per session, alarm your cellphone as follows 6am-9am-12nn-3pm-6pm-9am & do staggered meditation at 20 mins per alarm. Remember to stick to your schedule for the sole purpose of healing. Remind yourself & do not ask others to remind you coz it will distract your focus. Meditation requires silence, so avoid socials & watching TV, listening to radio, etc. Meditation is shutting of senses that will open your being to the source above for guidance. The shutting of senses will take time BUT discipline is the key. To discipline yourself requires conviction, unless you have it, you cannot do it. So ask yourself why you need to meditate & stick to your reason as your torch every time you are face with distraction to meditate. To start with meditation, sit in a comfortable position (you can use the yoga position) with legs crossed and fingertips touching each other just like praying. Scientifically the touching of fingertips gives signal to your brain to be in attention & refrain from sleeping or falling. Close your eyes and start to meditate. As you do it, visuals run over your brain as if your watching a movie, just let it go, watch it unfolds one by one. There are moments that you will feel bad, you will cry, or be happy or have mixed emotions, just let go of your emotions alone, cry if you must, laugh out loud if you want, move, dance, sing, etc...release it to your heart's desire.... liberate yourself alone & be free..... Now go back to the original position of sitting down and relax..... then PRAY... continue doing this until you open the communication line to GOD. For procedure on how to start a prayer dialogue one-on-one, you may read the article published on Phil Daily Inquirer by following this link & find the album on PRAYER AS A TOOL published Phil Daily Inquirer Newspaper:


I hope these healing techniques are useful to you.
Remember that healing takes time, as the hospital will always says, your a patent, so be it until your healed, in due time you will be back on your toes and even better as a more healthy individual with holistic wellness of body, soul & spirit

In your healing journey, always take note of our doctor, the best that we can have & we feel the presence within and with the rest, and of course, you know it's GOD, unless you are not a believer, then that will take another session on spirituality for the next posting...

Thanks for reading! And all the best!

Your Wellness Teacher,
ZARA JANE JUAN
"explore, create & discover within for
experience will always be our best teacher"




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