Emotions: Five Ways Parents Can Fight Facebook Depression | Therapy Soup

Five Ways Parents Can Fight Facebook Depression | Therapy Soup: (pls click site for more info)

"The solution to Facebook depression (as well as online safety issues for kids) isn’t rocket-science. We identify five simple things parents can do.

1. Spend more time—a lot more time—with your kids. Don’t feel you have to plan something special: just spending time together, one on one, and showing them that you are willing to talk about what’s important to them is what counts. Even activities like baking cookies, playing a sport, or going for a walk are fine. Even doing chores together is something you can do.

Some research shows that the quantity of time you spend with your kids can be more important than the quality. Half an hour a week of one-on-one bonding is nice, but spending several hours each evening together as a family can have an even greater impact.

In traditional cultures and even in some Western families today, children are taught that their relationship with their parents is the most important relationship in their lives (at least until they become adults, and form new primary relationships). This takes effort on the part of parents."

2. Create a family tech-room. Computers are the new TV. Remember playrooms and family rooms? All computers, cell-phones, Ipods must be used in a public family space, just like the televisions of what I guess now is yesteryear. You can have a homework quiet time rule if necessary. If you have the room, this is a truly amazing preventative (we know a family who does this). You will not only be able to keep an eye out for your kids’ safety, you’ll send the subtle message that being together is what’s really important and that family comes first. Parents: Your kids do NOT need privacy online. You can help them establish safe privacy and safe personal boundaries in other areas of their lives.

3. Get a strong Internet safety filter. Parental controlled Internet filters can help you do your job. You’re the parent so you get to make the decisions that will keep your kids safe. Can kids bypass filters? Some of them, yes. Comparison shop.

4. Set curfews and time-limits. Just like bedtimes (hey, even adults need bedtimes), setting curfews and time-limits for non-school related computer use is essential. If you aren’t ready for solution number 5, below start by limiting social media use. For example, no non-school related computer use after 7:00 for younger pre-teens and 9:00 for teens is one way to go. Plus, limit non-school related computer use to 30 minutes. That might seem draconian from your teen’s standpoint, but if your kids have after-school lessons, sports, homework, chores, and are spending time with family and friends, there won’t be much time left over for social media.

5. Rethink and restructure your family culture. Ban social media!Don’t worry, you’re not the only parent doing this—there are many local groups of parents doing this. Schools are asking parents to ban social media, too. Get together with your kids’ friends’ parents. Many of them feel exactly the same way you do.

Banning it will be difficult. But will it be worth it? Do a cost-benefit analysis of the use of social media.What are the benefits? What are the problems (and potential dangers)? Is it time well spent?

It’s best to begin building values obviously, when children are young. We love the idea of showing children what’s wonderful about life, but we also believe that it’s good to openly tell children (at an appropriate age), the things that are dangerous or not consistent with your values. We know this goes against the conventional wisdom, and we know it’s important for your children to have friendships, however, if the medium in which those friendships take place is social media, safety should be your number one priority. How to prevent the problems of social media’s impact on your preteens and teens is up to you.

*Diagram of social media by Khalid Albaih.

Richard Zwolinski, LMHC, CASAC is the author of Therapy Revolution: Find Help, Get Better, and Move On Without Wasting Time or Money and is an internationally licensed psychotherapist and addiction specialist with over 25 years experience as well as a consultant to organizations and companies in the fields of mental health and addiction. Learn more about Richard here.

Emotions: 5 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic | World of Psychology

5 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic | World of Psychology:

"1. Monitor your thoughts.

Jotting down your self-critical judgments — I’m a loser, I’m stupid, I’m ugly — in a journal or a personal-digital assistant is the first step to mastering them: That process alone may decrease the intensity and frequency. Also note the situations in which these feelings occur and see if you can spot patterns.

2. Evaluate your judgments.

Define your terms and examine whether your standards are arbitrary or fair. If you think you’re a “bad person,” are you a bad person all the time? Are there times when you are adequate? Dr. Muller says patients often find that their views are internally inconsistent. “I’ll ask, ‘What does a loser look like to you?’ The patient is picturing a guy in sweatpants sitting around the house drinking beer. I say, ‘Is that what you did yesterday?’ And he’ll say, ‘Well, no.’ ”"

3. Collect objective data.

Challenge negative thoughts with hard facts. Keep a short list of your achievements on a note card and pull it out when your self-criticism threatens to overwhelm you. Or look back at your own CV and review what you’ve accomplished. “Focus on the fact that you made it as a scholarship student — not that nobody asked you to dance for two years,” says Dr. Legato.

4. Conviction or condemnation?

Recognize the difference between thoughts that are critical and those that are constructive, suggests Therese J. Borchard, whose Beyond Blue blog on Beliefnet.com often deals with such issues. If you overeat at a picnic, thinking “I am a fat pig” is a condemnation, she says, whereas thinking “I’ll try to start eating better tomorrow” is a conviction. Dr. Leahy agrees: “Your goal should be improvement, rather than putting yourself down.”

5. Re-evaluate your values.

Make sure that whatever you are beating yourself up about is worth striving for. Some goals, like kindness, integrity, and being self-disciplined, enhance the meaning and quality of life, whereas others only feed into your sense of defectiveness, Dr. Leahy says. “Some people think, ‘I can get Botox and then I’ll be lovable.’ But the way to be lovable is to do lovable things,” he adds.

Therese J. Borchard is Associate Editor at Psych Central, where she regularly contributes to World of Psychology. She also writes the daily blog, Beyond Blue, on Beliefnet.com. Therese is the author ofBeyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist. Subscribe to her RSS feed on Psych Central or Beliefnet. Visit her website or follow her on Twitter @thereseborchard.

Emotions: Postural Problems a Sign of Bipolar Illness? | Psych Central News

Postural Problems a Sign of Bipolar Illness? | Psych Central News: "

Areas of the brain that are critical for motor control, mainly the cerebellum, basal ganglia and brain stem, also aid in mood regulation and are areas where abnormalities often are found in people with bipolar disorder.

Postural sway — a measure of the endless adjustments people make in an attempt to stand still — is considered a sensitive gauge of motor control that likely is affected by these abnormalities.

In the study, participants who had bipolar disorder displayed more postural sway, particularly when their eyes were closed, than study participants who had no psychological disorders. The troubles, which involved the study participants’ proprioception, or ability to process non-visual sensory information related to balance, were not affected by their mood or the severity of their disorder.

“It appears that people with bipolar disorder process sensory information differently and this is seen in their inability to adapt their movement patterns to different conditions, such as eyes open vs. eyes closed or feet together vs. feet apart,” said Hong, whose research focuses on how humans control motion. “The different conditions will cause people to use the information their senses provide differently, in order to allow them to maintain their balance.”"

Healthy Mind: Your Brain, Mindful Presence and Five Practices to Energize Love In Your Relationship, 2 of 2 | Neuroscience and Relationships

Your Brain, Mindful Presence and Five Practices to Energize Love In Your Relationship, 2 of 2 | Neuroscience and Relationships: By ATHENA STAIK, PH.D.

"Emotions of love and compassion give meaning and purpose to life. The brain is wired with circuitry for caring and empathic connection.

It is “a relationship organ,” as described by researcher Dr. Daniel Siegel. It can be said that all experience in life is relational. Your experience of self is always in relation to self, other persons, to life itself, for example.

Your deepest strivings are for love and meaningful connection to life within and around you. This explains why responses that convey love enhance your sense of security – and why some of your greatest fears, as rejection or abandonment, have to do with a sense of loss of love or connection."

The link between your health and key relationships?

It’s not surprising to learn, therefore, to learn that when your key relationships are off balance so are many other aspects of life. In other words, your physical, mental and emotional health are affected by the quality of your relationship.

Without question, one of the relationships we are most deeply concerned with is our love relationship.

Whether married or dating, divorced or single, we seem to spend (nearly) a lifetime concerned with how to resolve the intense mixture of feelings we feel with regard to our ability to find the happiness and love we seek in our relationship with a special person.

You want happiness? The best option is to grow your ability to empathically connect to your self and partner, in present moments of awareness. It’s a way of knowing, understand your self, and life around you that is connected to your compassion, and that allows you to best understand and empathically connect to your partner.

The good news?

• The brain has incredible plasticity from what the latest findings tell us, capable of changing and healing, restructuring and reorganizing faster than ever imagined, according to neuroscientist Dr. V. S. Ramachandran.
• The brain not only generates experience, every experience changes the structure of your brain. Thus, your day-to-day life experience wires and re-wires your brain.
• Also notable, according to Dr. Siegel, is that change takes place in the context of new experience in relationship contexts.

Thus, healthy relationship patterns are potentially healing in nature, literally, ones that allow the brain to rewire itself for more flexibility, permitting new associations of neural networks, the growth of new neurons, the expansion of existing ones, changes in existing connections, and so on.

Got presence?

The quality of the functioning of your brain establishes the quality of the functioning of your mind. This means you need healthy (conscious and subconscious) thinking and emoting patterns.

To love authentically is a conscious act of courage in present moments that allow you to respond with love rather than react with fear. You’re human, which means your deepest fears have to do with inborn strivings to feel loved and valued in life. It takes courage to love with your whole heart and it necessitates a willingness to be vulnerable and face your deepest fears.

This is where practicing mindful presence comes in.

Practicing presence is the fastest and most efficient way to transform your relating patterns in order to deepen your connection and understanding of your self, which is the basis for understanding your partner.

How presence affects your brain?

When you practice mindful presence in your responses to one another, your actions send a message that affirms your commitment to the relationship, and good feelings cause your brain and your partner’s to release Oxytocin, a hormone linked to felt sense of safety, love and connection. Actions that stem from a sense of presence convey a sense of safety and trust.

Happy partners intuitively practice presence in their responses to one another. Regardless where you are in your relationship, however, you can learn new behaviors that allow them to create new experiences and thus transformative changes in their behaviors, changes that stem from actual structural changes in their brains.

When partners make a conscious choice to remain aware of what is happening both inside and around them in the moment – and simultaneously, they own the ability they each have in moments that most challenge and trigger their stress response – to maintain an optimal state of mind, one that best ensures they will respond in a way that promotes their overall happiness.

What does it mean to be present?

For partners in couple relationships, it means:

• They empathically connect with their compassion and understanding for self and their partner in the moment.
• They know how to keep their heart open to courageously face the universal fears (i.e., rejection, inadequacy, etc.) every human being has to contend with on a daily basis.
• They are aware of their fears and have developed belief system that allows them to not only feel their fears, but also use them as teachers and assets.
• They remain curious and genuinely strive to understand and find validity in the other’s perspective, regardless whether they agree or not.
• They convey honor and respect for self and the other as individuals with unique yet both shared and unique dreams and aspirations.
• They consciously act in ways that let the other know of their sincere interest and love, and their commitment to nurturing a healthy relationship.
• They treat self and other with dignity — especially when they are triggered — making no excuses or exceptions should they slip up.

Plasticity is now considered a basic principle of all healthy brains throughout life. If you and your partner have relating patterns you need to change because they are preventing you from feeling the love you have for one another, have you considered the power of practicing presence? It can help you energize more happiness in your personal life and relationship.

Here are five areas to practice growing your presence muscles:

• Be present to your breathing. Observe your breath, and allow your inhale and exhale to be deep and complete. Set an intention to connect to your breathing, in key moments, to ensure you remain and keep returning to the present moment.
• Be present in your listening. When you are present to listen, you are listening with your whole heart to better understand, know your self and your partner. More than anything, life is ever inviting you to learn. From birth, in a natural state, your brain is in learning mode. When your stress response gets activated, your brain is in protective mode. Your brain is always in either love and learning mode, or fear and protective mode. When you consciously remain present in difficult moments, you are actively allowing your brain to remain in learning mode, thus, potentially make new positive neural changes.
• Be present to your thoughts. Notice what you are telling yourself in the moment. This helps you tune into any assumptions or beliefs you hold that are not serving you, for example, if you tell yourself “I always get the short end of the stick,” this is likely to activate intense painful feelings inside. This tells you that you are likely holding a limiting belief (i.e., that your worth as a person depends on others). You will improve your life dramatically by replacing this with a life energizing belief, such as “I no longer need others’ approval to love and accept myself.”
• Be present to your emotions and felt sensations. Feel your feelings with your whole heart. This means to be willing to feel painful emotions. When you love half-heartedly, it means you only love the parts of yourself or your partner that please you. This type of love naturally never satisfies, as it is superficial. It is how we love when we are still wounded, needy and feeling incomplete inside. Painful emotions and fear are great teachers, letting you know where you are at any given time in relation towhere you aspire to be in the future.
• Be present to your five senses. What are your eyes and ears and felt sensations in your body, perhaps even your taste buds and nose, telling you about the present moment? This is about being aware, being a conscious observer of events and actions around you, rather than a harsh judge of self and other. Just noticing and observing permits you to identify and release any rigid, limiting beliefs, judgments, etc., about yourself or the other, your life or relationship.

When you stretch your heart to love consciously, you are making a conscious choice to act in ways that express you care about your relationship, one that stems from inner wisdom and understanding.

This allows your wise self, the part that is connected to your highest purpose in life, to lead the way. This is a gift you can give to yourself and one another at any time, in present moments.

In my work, I call this conscious-love, an intention to supercharge your life by embracing your feelings of vulnerability at deep levels, so that you can heal and transform them into joy and meaningful connection in relating contexts. It is an experience of balancing your giving and receiving, your love for self and other, your attunement to your mind and body, your heart and logic.

You can learn to harness amazing inner resources, among them, your brain’s capacity for neuroplasticity, on behalf of your own personal and relational well-being and growth. It is through a set of skills that connect to resources you have inside to regulate your emotions, make effect repairs, release fear patterns of coping with stress, and consciously rewire your brain to be more consistently receptive to create, integrate, shift to the most optimal states possible.

Practicing presence allows you to love consciously, a practice that is to the human heart what swimming is to the entire body.

RESOURCES:

Ramachandran, Vilayanur S. (2011). The Tell-Tale Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Quest for What Makes Us Human. NY: W.W. Norton and company.

Siegel, Daniel J. (1999). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. NY: Guilford Press.

Relationship consultant, author, licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Athena Staik shows clients how to break free of anxiety, addictions, and other emotional blocks, to awaken radiantly healthy lives and relationships. Dr. Staik is currently in private practice in Northern VA, and writing her book, Safe Enough to Love™: Breaking Free of Addictive Love in Couple Relationships. To contact Dr. Staik for information, an appointment or workshop, visitwww.drstaik.com, or visit on her Facebook fan page DrAthenaStaik

Wellness Tip: Healthy Emotions: Guide: Yoga

Health fair focuses on female veterans: "Some examples of how women can maintain their health and reduce disease include staying centered through exercise and meditation, deep breathing exercises and progressive relaxation. Weyer demonstrated progressive relaxation by having the audience picture a peaceful place, imagine a restful color, or focus on a phrase to help them release stress and 'stay in the moment.' Weyer explained how by simply adopting a different mindset, an individual can effectively manage issues involving anger and depression.
'No feeling is final; things can and will change,' she said. 'Staying centered can help you lower your blood pressure, reduce stomach disorders and deal with sleep issues. Think about where you store your stress and work on reducing tension in that area.'
Doc Savage, owner of The Yoga Studio of Rapid City, also gave a demonstration on how practicing yoga can help vets.
'If you can breathe and smile, you can practice yoga,' Savage said. 'You don't have to do the 'pretzel pose.' Breath is the power of the yoga practice.'"

Wellness Tips on Healthy Mind: Musical notes that keep you healthy - The Times of India

Musical notes that keep you healthy - The Times of India: "'Musical notes help harmonize the body and psychosomatic diseases, where mind is the cause of illness. Meditation and Yoga help to canalize body energy. There are seven chakras in our body and they can be stimulated by certain notes and Ragas,' stated Dr Joshi.

Dr Joshi is a homeopathy practitioner and has mastered the art of singing. He regularly organises music workshops for different age groups. He conducted a demonstration about the effect of musical notes where he sang selected composition in different Ragas. He used Raga Bhimpalas to stimulate the first chakra, Raga Des for the second, Yaman for the third, Rageshre for the fourth, Kedar for the fifth, Darbari for the sixth and Bhairavi for the seventh. He said, 'Each Chakra governs different parts of the body and when we stimulate the chakras, it harmonies the body and helps us feel good. The seventh chakra relates to the spiritual quotient and meditation like bliss to health.' Dr Joshi kept students engaged by telling them moral stories and jokes and the pleasant atmosphere helped to enrich the musical effect."

Healthy Emotions: Chip Conley: The Chief Emotions Officer

Chip Conley: The Chief Emotions Officer: "After 24 years of being a CEO, I've come to realize that the best amongst us are truly Chief Emotions Officers as we are the 'emotional thermostats' for our organizations with studies showing that a typical leader has 50-70% influence over the work climate of their team.

There are three great pieces of empirical evidence that amplify this reality about 21st century leadership. First, Daniel Goleman has shown for 15 years now that emotional intelligence (EQ) represents two-thirds of the success of business leaders as compared to only one-third coming from either IQ or the leader's transferable experience. And, yet, in 2010, less than 10% of the training and development dollars spent by America's corporations went toward emotional intelligence or literacy training (often called 'soft skills'). We know it's important and, yet, we seem to be reluctant in investing in the skills to help our executives become Chief Emotions Officers."

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Cure the Pain via Mind Detox: Objective Emotional Healing

“With diabetes, and other chronic illnesses such as arthritis, lung disease, hypertension, so many aspects of your life are affected. Depression and chronic illness are closely related.”

As a wellness practitioner myself, I have come to realize in my case studies that Pain has its root cause from the emotional trauma of a person that happened in the past. Most of the time, the traumatic experience was already forgotten. Due to the fact, that our brain is capable of shutting off painful memories as part of human survival.

However, the emotional trauma will later on manifest through the body. It may be shut off for a while in the memory but the body's reaction to it cannot be denied. Example, hypertension, has a root cause from the "unsettled anger" during the innocent years of the child probably caused by family feud, issues, violated rights, etc w/c the child during that time cannot understand why he/she is angry (he/she may not even know the term "angry" yet during that time) but the child feels it and the body reacts to it.

Restlessness, tantrums, clinging, too much crying, etc. are some of the manifestations. And when the child grows up, it exhibits unruly behavior or extreme dangerous inclinations. He/she may also have addictive behaviors like being workaholic, smoking, drugs, or "daredevil" decisions.

If not properly address during the child's developmental years with an educated guardian, teachers or responsible parents, the child will resort to other means to ease the hurt.

This hurts will later on progress making the child more sickly when young until it develops into chronic pain as the child gets older and become an adult. It can produce sickness like diabetes, hypertension, arthritis, etc.

One way to heal the chronic pain is through emotional therapy by the use of creative exploration, for the adult to go back to his/her innocent years and recall the unfinished business. This therapy however, requires an experienced, open minded & objective "emotion healer" who can lead the adult to go through the process by opening the door of the mind, searching and cleaning it thoroughly, and leaving it clean.

In my opinion, I believe that the mind cannot be shut-off totally, not until your dead. All memories, good or bad, shows into a person's actions on a day to day basis, until he/she is living.

Everything is part of the person's composition already. What is needed is for the adult to understand why she/he react this way or that way on some matters. The "Mind Journey" is to know oneself deeply as a responsible adult through the objective guidance of the "emotion healer".

There are requirements however before an adult goes through the "Mind Journey" process. The adult must be intelligent, matured, and capable of logical thinking. She/he must also have full trust and confidence to his/her Emotion Healer to guide her/him in the journey to discuss intellectually the emotional release and experience.

Several sessions are given to finally detoxify the mind and to also give continuous learning of the adult to monitor his/her brain detoxification of thoughts and memories.

This is part of the wellness lifestyle as a discipline. Detoxification is mind & body.

For more info or if you want to attend my wellness workshops, e-mail me at wellnesspilipinas@yahoo.com.ph or call/text 0927.676.7738.

Wellness Workshops through Creative Exploration are done by group while Brain Journey for emotional healing is 1on1 session as scheduled.

Workshop venue/s in the Philippines.

All right then, if you can't reach me because you are not here, I am just a blog away. Click my name and you find me in google.

You are not far, you're just on the other side of the horizon...and we can always be connected..

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your loved one... for nothing is so sweet than being with the one you love...!

Your Wellness Teacher,

Zara Jane Juan

Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper - MayoClinic.com

Anger management tips: 10 ways to tame your temper - MayoClinic.com

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10 tips to help get your anger under control

1. Take a 'timeout.' Although it may seem cliche, counting to 10 before reacting really can defuse your temper.
2. Get some space. Take a break from the person you're angry with until your frustrations subside a bit.
3. Once you're calm, express your anger. It's healthy to express your frustration in a nonconfrontational way. Stewing about it can make the situation worse.
4. Get some exercise. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. Go for a brisk walk or a run, swim, lift weights or shoot baskets.
5. Think carefully before you say anything. Otherwise, you're likely to say something you'll regret. It can be helpful to write down what you want to say so that you can stick to the issues. When you're angry, it's easy to get sidetracked.
6. Identify solutions to the situation. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work with the person who angered you to resolve the issue at hand.
7. Use 'I' statements when describing the problem. This will help you to avoid criticizing or placing blame, which can make the other person angry or resentful — and increase tension. For instance, say, "I'm upset you didn't help with the housework this evening," instead of, "You should have helped with the housework."
8. Don't hold a grudge. If you can forgive the other person, it will help you both. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want.
9. Use humor to release tensions. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Don't use sarcasm, though — it's can hurt feelings and make things worse.
10. Practice relaxation skills. Learning skills to relax and de-stress can also help control your temper when it may flare up. Practice deep-breathing exercises, visualize a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase to yourself, such as "Take it easy." Other proven ways to ease anger include listening to music, writing in a journal and doing yoga.

Why Do People Get Angry? - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Why Do People Get Angry? - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Published by Francisco Herrera

I was born and raised in Florida. I've been in sales for most of my working life, and am now burnt out on the industry. I've had a passion for writing since I was a child, and am just now learning to do so e... View profile

People get angry for numerous reasons. Anger is an internal reaction that we perceive to have an external cause. When people get angry, they will never tell you it was for no reason. There is always something that the

person perceived as "not right" that triggered their anger.

Anger in itself is not unhealthy, its part of our physical makeup and a primitive defense mechanism. People get angry when they feel that they are being threatened. It could be a perceived threat to themselves, their ego, or someone they love or sympathize with. It's when anger is uncontrolled that it becomes a negative force with negative consequences.

When People get angry it can come from two types of sources, internal and external. Regardless of which of the two sources, sometimes both, that triggers a persons anger, the actual emotion itself tends to have its roots anchored somewhere in the persons psyche. A man who was brought up in an abusive home may become angry as soon as they hear somebody get verbally loud. A person frustrated over money may get angry when a friend asks for a cigarette. Someone who feels that they are being generalized may get angry with someone who they feel perceives them in this fashion.

People get angry more often as their frustration tolerance lowers. This low tolerance level can be caused by a number of reasons, stress and/or anxiety, physical and/or emotional pain, drugs and alcohol, or simply having a bad day. All of these can lead to a lower frustration tolerance, and when people get angry it can result in unnecessary outbreaks. When anger is out of control it is similar to a person under the influence of drugs. The person's ability to rationalize is compromised and they act purely from emotion.

How To Deal With Angry People: A Survival Guidev

How To Deal With Angry People: A Survival Guide

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By Dr Tony Fiore

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See Dr. Tony Fiore's expert page

PART 1- EIGHT TIPS TO DEAL WITH EXPLOSIVE PERSONS WHO CONFRONT YOU: DEFUSING POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS SITUATIONS:

1.Do not respond in kind. Hostility often begets more hostility.

Respond instead with a non-hostile message to defuse people who are behaving in a hostile manner toward you. The classic example of this is in when simple inconsiderate driving or even aggressive driving suddenly escalates into road rage due to two drivers ratcheting up hostility in response to the other’s hostile acts, words, or gestures.

Please remember that in these and other hostile situations, you contribute somewhat to the outcome by your decision to return hostility or not.

2.Take their upset seriously and validate their feelings.

Listen to what they have to say and hear them out; ignoring them or minimizing their feelings will tend to escalate their anger further. There have been untold numbers of workplace violence incidents that could have been averted had supervisors or managers listened with empathy to disgruntled employees rather than responding in an insensitive, or uncaring manner.

3.Never argue with someone when they are intoxicated.

When someone is drinking or intoxicated, this is no time to try to solve relationship or other problems (especially if you too have had a few drinks). A high percentage of angry confrontations as well spousal abuse arrests occur when drinking is involved by one or both partners. Drinking often impairs judgment, decreases inhibitions (resulting in saying things we don’t mean), and distorts your normally astute reasoning ability.

4.Respond to the feelings they are having- not the content of what they are saying.

Try to hear and respond to the underlying hurt or pain the person is experiencing underneath the angry words. Use statements such as "I can appreciate why you feel that way," "It sounds like you are very angry right now," "Many people feel the way you do."

5.On roadway, don’t make eye contact with an aggressive driver.

This is the secret signal in the animal world to engage in combat and will frequently escalate things, sometimes into "road rage." Just ignore aggressive drivers and stay out of their way.

6.Allow angry people to physically escape the situation.

Don’t block their way or prevent egress, or you may be putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Take off the heat rather than increasing the pressure! Don’t insist on solving the problem “now” when the other person is in an agitated state.

7.Don’t defend yourself by attacking back at them or their character flaws.

Defensiveness often escalates anger in the other person and, in fact, is one of the predictors of divorce, according to recent marital research. There is a time to present your side, but not when your partner is unable to hear it due to his or her anger.

8.Don’t try to solve an emotional issue with logical arguments.

Trying to diffuse an angry person with overwhelming evidence of their thinking errors or mistakes in logic, or facts to the contrary, or reasons for why they shouldn’t feel the way they do, or why they should feel differently - usually makes the situation worse.

Lancet study: Teens, young adults have high risk of death from injury, violence, suicide - latimes.com

Lancet study: Teens, young adults have high risk of death from injury, violence, suicide - latimes.com

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As the world has urbanized, public health needs have changed. For most of the 20th century, epidemiologists worried about communicable diseases killing very young children. Now, a new paper in the journal the Lancet suggests, the bigger concern in many countries is mortality among young adults ages 15 to 24 -- especially young men. Modernization and urbanization may have pushed back disease. But they have made accidents, suicide and violence more common causes of death during the second decade of life.

To investigate the mortality trends, researchers led by Dr. Russell Viner of the University College London Institute of Child Health looked at the World Health Organization's mortality database from 1955 to 2004, breaking out data by age group and sex in 50 countries with good mortality data. These included nations with low-, middle- and high-income levels.

Over the study period, mortality from all causes was reduced by as much as 93% in children 1 to 4 years old, the study reported. But young men ages 15 to 24 experienced a decline in mortality of just 41% to 48%. In the period 2000-2004, mortality among young men was two to three times higher than that among young boys, the researchers said. By the late 1970s, injury was the dominant cause of death in young men. Violence and suicide accounted for one-quarter to one-third of mortality in young men between 2000 and 2004.

HOW TO HEAL TRAUMA?

Healing Trauma:
We are composed of body, soul & spirit. Our body needs nourishment. Our soul or "psyche" needs enlightenment & our spirit or "breath of God" needs constant connection thru prayer. We need to keep this 3 parts of self healthy for holistic wellness. We can constantly work on being healthy, however it can ruined by simple trauma, more so, by huge traumas. Traumas should not be denied. We need to heal it as a responsible adult, otherwise, it will just file up one after the other & affect our personality, later on producing big stress as conflict arise at home & at work.

There are three (3) ways to heal trauma classified as
1. EXTENSIVE HEALING (3-7 days) - this requires a healthy heart
2. MODERATE HEALING (3-6 months)- longer process best for people w/ weak heart

Before healing the trauma, you must remember that your intention is to live and be healed. Thus, use only the technique that fits your lifestyle & health status. Do not go beyond what you can do. Take your time to choose the technique. Try it first and once your comfortable with it proceed, otherwise, use the other techniques. Be open, flexible & intelligent.

How to do it:

1. On Extensive Healing, use the FLOODING technique, that is the constant exposure of a person to the trauma. Exposure to the trauma with the intention of zooming in to all the senses & the various ways of learning the trauma through writing, viewing & interacting. Sensitivity workshops are ideal to this. For list of sensitivity workshops & healing methods check out the Innovative Mind & Body Book volume 6 "Is there really a closure?" in my facebook account

2. On Moderate Healing, use the FEEDBACK technique & MEDITATION technique.
-Feedback Technique requires that you need to be ready to have a "trusted emotionally balance matured friend with deep knowledge on the your trauma" as your guide. However, do not trust all out to prevent you self from emotional exploitation. Before starting your healing journey, you must check on his/her intention to help you. To check the intention, ask why the person is joining you in your healing journey. Be keen on the answer given and then give yourself the time to process it. If you are comfortable to the given reason & if you can also provide what is expected of you later on without loosing your virtues & principles then take the help. But, if you cannot accept or provide the reason given, that person is not your healing companion. Choose someone else until you find the better one for you. In the meantime that you are in the selection process of your healing companion, do the MEDITATION technique written below. After which, if you are ready with the requirement of FEEDBACK technique, then do it. First expose yourself to the trauma with your healing companion. After every exposure, initiate the discussion. Talk....talk...talk... Your healing companion will check and give you the feedback as you undergo the process. Your healing companion's views may be totally different from yours & at times it may cause conflict of principles or ideas. Be intelligent, maintain the balance thinking. Understand that all ideas have their face values. But only take those ideas and viewpoint that is consistent on your virtues & principles. This is a long process, interaction & journal ling of your exposure requires you to be consistent. You will learn from the feedback after you write it and draw your own conclusion. In the process of doing so, maintain a pure heart. For list of workshops that will support your healing journey check out the album Innovative Mind & Body vol 1 in my facebook account


-MEDITATION Technique
Another moderate way to heal your trauma is through the meditation technique. It is safe & requires no one but your own space, time & proper body nourishment. You must remember that while in the meditation technique you nourish yourself with small, light & very nutritious food. It is recommended that you eat fish & vegetable. If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, so much the better. Meat and heavy meals are discourage because it deters concentration & focus as the body's metabolism takes too much time on digesting the heavy food taken. Meditation requires for you to have a peaceful place away from distraction. You must have your own room with lock that will allow you to be alone for number of hours. Set your clock or mobile phone to do your meditation schedule. Minimum of 2 hours in the morning & 2 hours at nighttime before you sleep (suggested time is 4am-6am & 7pm-9pm). If you cannot do the straight 2 hours per session, alarm your cellphone as follows 6am-9am-12nn-3pm-6pm-9am & do staggered meditation at 20 mins per alarm. Remember to stick to your schedule for the sole purpose of healing. Remind yourself & do not ask others to remind you coz it will distract your focus. Meditation requires silence, so avoid socials & watching TV, listening to radio, etc. Meditation is shutting of senses that will open your being to the source above for guidance. The shutting of senses will take time BUT discipline is the key. To discipline yourself requires conviction, unless you have it, you cannot do it. So ask yourself why you need to meditate & stick to your reason as your torch every time you are face with distraction to meditate. To start with meditation, sit in a comfortable position (you can use the yoga position) with legs crossed and fingertips touching each other just like praying. Scientifically the touching of fingertips gives signal to your brain to be in attention & refrain from sleeping or falling. Close your eyes and start to meditate. As you do it, visuals run over your brain as if your watching a movie, just let it go, watch it unfolds one by one. There are moments that you will feel bad, you will cry, or be happy or have mixed emotions, just let go of your emotions alone, cry if you must, laugh out loud if you want, move, dance, sing, etc...release it to your heart's desire.... liberate yourself alone & be free..... Now go back to the original position of sitting down and relax..... then PRAY... continue doing this until you open the communication line to GOD. For procedure on how to start a prayer dialogue one-on-one, you may read the article published on Phil Daily Inquirer by following this link & find the album on PRAYER AS A TOOL published Phil Daily Inquirer Newspaper:


I hope these healing techniques are useful to you.
Remember that healing takes time, as the hospital will always says, your a patent, so be it until your healed, in due time you will be back on your toes and even better as a more healthy individual with holistic wellness of body, soul & spirit

In your healing journey, always take note of our doctor, the best that we can have & we feel the presence within and with the rest, and of course, you know it's GOD, unless you are not a believer, then that will take another session on spirituality for the next posting...

Thanks for reading! And all the best!

Your Wellness Teacher,
ZARA JANE JUAN
"explore, create & discover within for
experience will always be our best teacher"




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How to Lift a BAD MOOD?

7 Pointers to Lift a Bad Mood
By Dr. Maoshing Ni

No one can live a long and healthy life without the will to go on; sometimes mood swings can make us feel that life is too much for us.

A bad mood not only gives you a gloomy outlook, it also lowers your immune function, leading the way to illness. Here are some suggestions to lift your mood, your spirit, and your health.

1. A Laughing Matter
"Laugh Therapy," pioneered by Norman Cousins, has turned out to have real substance. Research has discovered that laughter and joy boost immune functions, especially the production of the natural killer cells that help defend the body from illness and cancer.

Laughter also increases the release of endorphins - compounds that give you a sense of well-being - in your brain. Without a doubt, joyful people liver longer and healthier lives. So read your favorite comics, watch your favorite comedies, and laugh it up!

2. Amino Acid for Restored Mindset
When an imbalance or deficiency is creating a bad mood, the Europeans use supplements of a natural compound found in human cells to regulate mood and restore a healthy mindset. SAMe (S-adenosyl-L-methionine) is produced from methionine, an amino acid that plays a role in the production of uplifting neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine.

One study indicated that SAMe worked on patients who had unsuccessful results with conventional antidepressants. To get a boost from SAMe, take a supplement combining it with vitamins B6 and B12.

3. Hands-On Healing
Human touch increases the production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. Studies have found that patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. So give someone a hug and feel both of your moods improve.

4. Boost Your "Youth Hormones"
You don't need pills to flood your body with a rejuvenating flood of growth hormones. Research has found that doing squats and leg presses will greatly increase your natural production of the "youth hormone". Increased growth hormone translates to an elevated mood, among other physical benefits. Keep it up with weight training, knee bends, push-ups, and rowing.

5. Take a Bracing Breath
Breathing correctly is important for dispelling the toxins and wastes from your body; in fact, it is estimated that we expel only about 30 percent of toxins in our bodies through the bowels and bladder-the rest is all respiratory. Breathing is also a great way to clear your mind, boost your energy, and improve your mood. Practice deep, slow, rhythmic, breathing daily with mind-body disciplines such as tai chi, yoga, qigong, and meditation.

6. Smell the Joy
Research has shown that smell has a definite impact on our bodies and minds. When you stimulate the olfactory nerves inside your nose, you activate the limbic system of your brain, which is associated with moods and memory. This concept is instrumental to aromatherapy, a natural health tradition that makes use of the healing powers of plants with strong scents.

Aromatherapy recommends treating depression with jasmine, eucalyptus for exhilaration, and grapefruit to increase alertness and joy. Just put a dab of the essential oils from these plants on your temples, back of your neck, or acupressure points. Another option? Boil the herb in water and inhale the steam through your nose.

7. Feel Fine with Flowers
There is a reason that flowers are the traditional get-well gesture. Colorful flowers have a powerful influence on moods; they can uplift a patient's mood and even combat stress. One study found that during a five-minute typing assignment, people sitting next to a flowering bouquet were more relaxed than those who sat near foliage-only plants.

I hope these tips help the good feelings flow! I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.

May you live long, live strong, and live happy!

-Dr. Mao

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http://health.yahoo.com/experts/drmao/6715/going-up-7-pointers-to-lift-a-bad-mood/

How to Heal the Inner Child After Child Abuse

How to Heal the Inner Child After Child Abuse
Member
By FaithAllen

User-Submitted Article

Article Rating: (13 Ratings) As you heal your inner child, you are healing your deepest emotional wounds.
(c) Lynda Bernhardt When most people think about an inner child, they think about the joy from childhood that they left behind as they entered the adult world. For the adult survivor of child abuse, the inner child is much different. Rather than leaving behind a joyous part, the child abuse survivor pulled away from a very wounded part of himself in order to survive his childhood. The inner child for the child abuse survivor holds the pain, emptiness and unmet needs. Because of this, many child abuse survivors have no desire to connect back with this pain. Healing your inner child is an important part of healing from child abuse, and your life today will continue to be influenced by this wounded part of yourself until you make the choice to heal it. Here is how to heal your inner child after child abuse.

Recognize that you have an inner child. Many child abuse survivors prefer to pretend that no inner child exists so they will not have to deal with the pain. All of the pain and unmet needs that you experienced as an abused child had to go somewhere. You did not express them because doing so was unsafe. Instead, you stuffed that pain into a place deep inside of yourself. You inner child is the part of yourself that holds this pain and emptiness.

Step 2Reach out to your inner child. Visualize what you looked like when you were an abused child. See your adult self reaching out to the abused child. Because you have rejected your abused child for so long, she will probably resist your efforts, so you might need to attempt this step multiple times.

Step 3Visualize being kind to your inner child. As you continue doing visualizations to connect with your inner child, she will begin to respond. Visualize doing loving things for her, such as giving her a toy that she always wanted. Clean her up and give her fresh clothing if she is dirty (Many inner children appear "dirty" to symbolize the shame from the abuse).

Step 4Do fun things for your inner child. Take your inner child out for ice cream. Go to a park and swing on the swing set. Do the fun things that you never got to enjoy as a child.

Step 5Tell your inner child that you love her. Say kind things to her, such as you love her and that the abuse was not her fault, because these are the messages you needed to hear as a wounded child. As you heal your inner child, you heal yourself.

Step 6Accept your inner child as part of yourself. Over time, your inner child will "grow up" and integrate into being a part of you. Your inner child has always been a part of you, but you left her behind to avoid the dreadful pain that she held. As you learn to love your inner child, you learn to love yourself. As you heal your inner child, you no longer have a need to keep her separate, and you become one.

Tips & Warnings
As you heal your inner child, you are healing your deepest emotional wounds.Healing your inner child will likely take a long time. Be patient with your progress.Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people with your abuse history is an important part of healing from child abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools for healing

http://www.ehow.com/how_2131957_inner-child-after-child-abuse.html

Wellness Tip: Understanding the Emotion of Being In-Love, Infatuation / Limemerence

Understanding the Emotion of Being In-Love,

Infatuation or Limerence:

Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love.[1]

The concept is an attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love. Limerence can often be what is meant when one expresses having intense feelings of attachment and preoccupations with the love object.

According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: limerence, what she calls "loving attachment", and "loving affection," the bond that exists between an individual and his or her parents and children.[2]

Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love; addictive love. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone.

Limerence is a common emotion characterized by unrealistic expectations of blissful passion without positive relationship growth or development. It is distinguished by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment, and reciprocity. In the case of limerence, there is more often than not an obsessor and an object of desire, who may or may not be attainable.

It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated. Limerence is sometimes also referred to as infatuation. In common speech, infatuation includes aspects of immaturity and extrapolating from insufficient information, and is usually short-lived.


Origins
The concept of limerence first originated in Tennov's research in the mid-1960s. She interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love. Tennov coined the term "limerence" in 1977, publishing it in her 1979 book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love".

Tennov differentiates between limerence and other emotions by asserting that love involves concern for the other person's welfare and feeling. While limerence does not require it, those concerns may certainly be incorporated.

Affection and fondness exist only as a disposition towards another person, irrespective of whether those feelings are reciprocated, whereas limerence demands return. Physical contact with the object is neither essential nor sufficient to an individual experiencing limerence, unlike one experiencing sexual attraction.


Components
Limerence involves intrusive thinking about the limerent object.[3] Other characteristics include acute longing for reciprocation, fear of rejection, and unsettling shyness in the limerent object's presence. In cases of unrequited limerence, transient relief may be found by vividly imagining reciprocation from the limerent object.

Feelings of limerence can be intensified through adversity, obstacles, or distance. A limerent person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably. This may include a tendency to devise, fabricate, or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object.

A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background. In their thoughts, a limerent person tends to emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or problematic attributes.


Intrusive thinking
During the height of limerence, thoughts of the limerent object (or person) are at once persistent, involuntary and intrusive. Limerence is first and foremost a condition of cognitive obsession. All events, associations, stimuli, and experiences return thoughts to the limerent object with unnerving consistency.

The constant thoughts about the limerent object define all other experiences. If a certain thought has no previous connection with the limerent object, immediately one is made. Limerent fantasy is unsatisfactory unless rooted in reality[citation needed], because the fantasizer may want the fantasy to seem realistic and somewhat possible.

Fantasies that are concerned with farfetched ideas are usually dropped by the fantasizer.[citation needed] Sometimes it is retrospective; actual events are replayed from memory with great vividness. This form predominates when what is viewed as evidence of possible reciprocation can be re-experienced (a kind of selective or revisionist history).

Otherwise, the long fantasy is anticipatory; it begins in the everyday world and climaxes at the attainment of the limerent goal. A limerent fantasy can also involve an unusual, often tragic, event.

The long fantasies form bridges between the limerent's ordinary life and that intensely desired ecstatic moment. The duration and complexity of a fantasy depend on the availability of time and freedom from distractions. The bliss of the imagined moment of consummation is greater when events imagined to precede it are possible.

In fact they often represent grave departures from the probable. Not always is it entirely pleasant, and when rejection seems likely the thoughts focus on despair, sometimes to the point of suicide. The pleasantness or unpleasantness of the state seems almost unrelated to the intensity of the reaction.

Although the direction of feeling, i.e. happy versus unhappy, shifts rapidly, the intensity of intrusive and involuntary thinking alters less rapidly, and alters only in response to an accumulation of experiences with the particular limerent object.

Fantasies are occasionally dreamed by the one experiencing limerence. Dreams give out strong emotion and happiness when experienced, but often end with despair when the subject awakens. Dreams can reawaken strong feelings toward the limerent object after the feelings have declined.


Fear of rejection
Along with the emphasis on positive qualities perceived in the limerent object, and preoccupation with the hope for return of feelings, there is a fear that limerence will be met by the very opposite of reciprocation: rejection. Considerable self-doubt and uncertainty is experienced and it causes pain, but also enhances desire to a certain extent.

However in most cases, this is what helps to eventually destroy the limerence if a suitably long period of time has passed without reciprocation.

Limerent fear of rejection is usually confined to shyness in the presence of the limerent object, but it can also spread to situations involving other potential limerent objects, though generally it does not affect other spheres of life.

Although it appears that limerence blossoms under some forms of adversity, extreme caution and shyness may prevent a relationship from occurring, even when both parties are interested. This results from a fear of exposing one's undesirable characteristics to the limerent object.


Hope
Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The base for limerent hope is not in objective reality but reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. "Little things" are noticed and endlessly analyzed for meaning.

The belief that the limerent object does not and will not reciprocate can only come about with great difficulty. Limerence can be carried quite far before acknowledgment of rejection is genuine, especially if it has not been addressed openly by the object of limerence.

Excessive concern over trivia may not be entirely unfounded. Body language can indicate a return of feeling. What the limerent object said and did is recalled with vividness. Alternative meanings of those behaviors recalled are searched out.

Each word and gesture is permanently available for review, especially those which can be interpreted as evidence in favor of "return of feeling." When objects, people, places or situations are encountered with the limerent object, they are vividly remembered, especially if the limerent object 'interacted' with them in some way.


Physical effects
The physiological correlations of limerence are heart palpitations, trembling, pallor, flushing, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, confusion predominate at the behavioral level, dizziness, Syncope (Fainting/Passing out), Illness (Sickness, dizziness, headaches, etc.)

There is apprehension, nervousness, and anxiety due to terrible worry that any action may bring about disaster. Many of the commonly associated physiological reactions are the result of the limerent fear. Some people however may find that these effects come most strongly either immediately at or some time after contact with the object of limerence, and this is accompanied with an acute feeling of ecstasy or despair, depending on the turn of events beforehand.

The super-sensitivity that is heightened by fear of rejection can get in the way of interpreting the limerent object's body language and lead to inaction and wasted opportunities. Body signals may be emitted that confuse and interfere with attaining the limerent object.

A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in some cases in the abdominal region.[citation needed] This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of rejection.


Fainting
Syncope, or "fainting", very rarely happens, but takes place when the person is deeply in love with the limerent object[citation needed], physically, and personality-wise, and is usually only for small periods, 1–5 seconds. It is a sign of true obsession for the limerent object, reaching the peak of limerence (very rarely happens) and is often accompanied by non-stop thinking of the limerent object for long periods of time.


Game-playing
No matter how intensely reciprocation is desired it cannot simply be requested. To ask is to risk premature self-disclosure. The interplay is delicate, with the reactions of each person inextricably bound to the behavior of the other - or at least so in the mind of the Limerant.

Progression toward ecstatic mutuality may not involve externally created difficulties but feinting and parrying, minor deceptions, and falsehoods. The uncertainty required by the limerent reaction may often be merely a matter of perception. Despite ideals and philosophy, a process begins that bears unquestionable similarity to a game. The prize is not trifling: reciprocation produces ecstasy.

Whether it will be won, whether it will be shared, and what the final outcome may be depends on the effectiveness of actions and those of the limerent object; indeed on skill. Deviations from straightforward honesty become essential limerent strategies.

Fears lead to proceeding with a caution that will hopefully protect from disaster. Reason to hope combined with reason to doubt keeps passion at fever pitch and too-ready limerent availability cools. Open declaration of true feelings may stop the process.

Limerent uncertainty as well as projection can be viewed as the consequence of the limerent inclination to hide feelings. Because one of the invariant characteristics of limerence is extreme emotional dependency on the limerent object’s behavior, the actual course of limerence must depend on the actions and reactions of both people.

Uncertainty increases limerence; increased limerence dictates altered action, which serves to increase or decrease limerence in the other according to the interpretation given. The interplay is delicate if the relationship hovers near mutuality; a subtle imbalance, constantly shifting, appears to maintain it.

In most cases each person knows who is more limerent, but this is not always so. In most cases the limerents may believe a certain viewpoint, but the constant uncertainty means they are doubting or questioning themselves for most of the time regarding the other person. This can vary widely between different people.


Sexuality
Awareness of physical attraction plays a key role in the development of limerence, but is not enough to satisfy the limerent desire, and is almost never the main focus—instead, the limerent focuses on what could be defined as the "beneficial attributes".

A person, to become the limerent object, must be a potential sex partner. Limerence can be intensified after a sexual relationship has begun, and with more intense limerence there is greater desire for sexual contact. However, while sexual surrender once indicated the end of uncertainty in the limerent object, in modern times this is not necessarily the case.

Sexual fantasies are distinct from limerent ones. Limerent fantasy is rooted in reality and is intrusive rather than voluntary. Sexual fantasies are under more or less voluntary control and may also involve strangers, imaginary individuals, and situations that could not take place.

People can become aroused by the thought of sexual partners, acts, and situations that are not truly desired, whereas every detail of the limerent fantasy is passionately desired actually to take place. Limerence sometimes increases sexual interest in other partners when the limerent object is unreceptive or unavailable, such as when married people find sex with their spouses more pleasurable when they become limerent over someone else.


Limerent reaction
The limerent reaction is a composite reaction; that is, it actually describes a unique series of reactions. These reactions occur only where misperceptions meet adversity in the context of a romance. Perhaps because of this unique specificity, limerent reactions can be uniquely quantified and predicted according to the schema described below.

Involvement increases if obstacles are externally imposed or if the limerent object’s feelings are doubted. Only if the limerent object were to be revealed as highly undesirable might limerence subside. The presence of some degree of doubt causes the intensity of the feelings to rise further. The stage is reached at which the reaction is virtually impossible to dislodge.

This adversity may be superficial or deep, internal or external, so that an individual may generate deep adversity where none exists. Also "romance," as it were, need not be present in any genuine way for a limerent reaction to proceed.

The course of limerence results in a more intrusive thinking pattern. This thinking pattern is an expectant and often joyous period with the initial focusing on the limerent object’s admirable qualities; crystallization. Then, under appropriate conditions of hope and uncertainty, the limerence intensifies further.

With evidence of reciprocation from the limerent object, a state of extreme pleasure, even euphoria, is enjoyed. Thoughts are mainly occupied with considering and reconsidering what is attractive in the limerent object, replaying whatever events may have thus far transpired with the limerent object, and appreciating personal qualities which are perceived as possibly having sparked interest in the limerent object.

At peak crystallization, almost all waking thoughts revolve around the limerent object. After this peak, the feelings eventually decline.

Fantasies are preferred to virtually any other activity with the exception of activities that are believed to help obtain the limerent object, and activities that involve actually being in the presence of the limerent object. The motivation to attain a "relationship" continues to intensify so long as a proper mix of hope and uncertainty exist.

Tennov estimates, based on both questionnaire and interview data, that the average limerent reaction duration, from the moment of initiation until a feeling of neutrality is reached, is approximately three years. The extremes may be as brief as a few weeks or several years. When limerence is brief, maximum intensity may not have been attained.

Limerence generally lasts between 18 months and three years, but further studies on unrequited limerence have suggested longer durations.


Bond varieties
Main article: Human bonding
Once the limerent reaction has initiated, one of three varieties of bonds may form, defined over a set duration of time, in relation to the experience or non-experience of limerence. The constitution of these bonds may vary over the course of the relationship, in ways that may either increase or decrease the intensity of the limerence.

The basis and interesting characteristic of this delineation made by Tennov, is that based on her research and interviews with people, all human bonded relationships can be divided into three varieties being defined by the amount of limerence or non-limerence each partner contributes to the relationship.

With an affectional bond, neither partner is limerent. With a Limerent-Nonlimerent bond, one partner is limerent. In a Limerent-Limerent bond, both partners are limerent.

Affectional bonding characterize those affectionate sexual relationships where neither partner is limerent; couples tend to be in love, but do not report continuous and unwanted intrusive thinking, feeling intense need for exclusivity, or define their goals in terms of reciprocity. These types of bonded couples tend to emphasize compatibility of interests, mutual preferences in leisure activities, ability to work together, and in some cases a degree of relative contentment.

The bulk of relationships, however, according to Tennov, are those between a limerent person and a nonlimerent other, i.e. limerent-nonlimerent bonding. These bonds are characterized by unequal reciprocation.

Lastly, those relationship bonds in which there exists mutual reciprocation are defined as limerent-limerent bondings. Tennov argues since limerence itself is an "unstable state" that mutually limerent bonds would be expected to be short-lived; mixed relationships probably last longer than limerent-limerent relationships; and affectional bondings tend to be characterized as "old marrieds" whose interactions are typically both stable and mutually gratifying.